Today started out quite horrendous. I threw up this morning because I was so stressed. The cause of my stress was the lack of my participation in doing my homework last night because I fell asleep on the couch at 8 o' clock for no apparent reason. I then slept in till 11 and woke up in an absolutely shitty mood. It carried on most of the day until I took my medicine. Oh how I hate being dependent on those two tiny tablets. But what can you do?
It was just average. I then got motivated. And this is a list of daily annoyances that I need to work on/get.
*start my homework earlier than 7.
*get a lighter for my candles & incense.
*study for the ap exam.
*keep my room clean (I'm getting better)
*try to say more intelligent things so that people won't think I'm the 'stupid' one.
This brings me back to my main concern. These people 'friends' that I've grown to be in a group with seem to disregard most of the things I say. I feel as if no one takes me seriously and all I do is 'drink&smoke&fuck'. (Yet, I'm still a virgin--because I'm a fat fuck & awkward as hell). They're so very critical of everybody around them & aren't afraid to make fun of you, straight to your face. It's not always the most positive group & sometimes I just stand around and laugh to feel like I'm apart of something, bigger than myself. It's hard when I can't seem to stay with a circle of friends for more than a year. It's constantly changing and a lot of times I realize these people aren't good for me. The only ones that are I don't see very often (ex. Apryl, Pearl, Noelle, Nick). I can't make up my mind on what I should do to better this situation, because at this point I feel like there's no turning back.