I mainly came back to get away from the business of tumblr & get back down to the roots of my blogging. To where I actually used to write, where my mind was free to roam this keyboard and the ideas beyond. It's been close to a year since I posted here. I've grown so much, but it almost seems as if it was a drop down. Because I'm different but more immature. I took a step back, or so it feels. But my life is now much different than it was this time last year. I don't think I was aware a year ago about how much can change in only the matter of a few months. Is this how the rest of my life will be? A constant blur of faces & words? An ever changing personality, experiments, substances, kisses? I'm hoping that some of the this is just age. A 'you most go through this to become an adult'. But what if I didn't? What if none of this happened? And I was still the same person as last year? Would everyone have left me in their tracks or would we still be close?
I know nothing more than a fifteen year old should. I'm constantly left alone with my brain. It doesn't provide much amusement, it doesn't have much insight. It's become more and more dull. More crickets & ticking, if that makes any sense at all. I'm not as creative as I used to be. I've been too caught up in this lifestyle of trying to be myself but figuring out who myself even is. Drugs, alcohol, boys, girls, everything. It's crumbling & rebuilding my mind. I want to have something to think about. Not just a boy or a girl. Not just worrying about insignificant things. No, I want my brain to be stimulated, with thoughts that actually matter. I want an insight to what life is all about. To something outside the realm of television shows & pop culture. I don't know what to do anymore.
Ps. I say I don't know more than any person known to man.