hey hey hey LOOK

i'm switching sides i believe
i like tumblr
you should too!
get one,
and follow me

http://partyinthesolei.tumblr.com/

yes, yes, yes, i know.
condemn me all you may
but it's a nice website
really, it is

try it out!
i like blogs

In my book mistakes are only lessons in disguise.

I learned a lot about myself from him.
Boys,boys,boys.
Its so stereotypical but to me it means something else.
It's hard to say exactly what.
(butidoreallymissthoselips)
I'm such a girl,
but I feel so much different than the rest.
I sound like I'm on drugs.
Hah!
(incaseyourwondering,imnot.imsober)

Ms. Hussey

I miss you lots and lots and lots.
I hope you see this when you get back and know that I was thinking about you. :)

All these damned celebrations.

4th grade graduation,
6th grade graduation,
8th grade graduation?

Is this needed? You save 'graduation' till your done with 12th grade. You made it through elementary, middle AND high school. Thats something that could be congratulated. But all this hustle and bustle about little graduations is so silly. It's saying 'whoopee, your parents care enough to keep you in school!'. Personally, I could care less. I might sound bitter and bitchy but it's the truth. I've never had a graduation of the sort, I'll just stick to my 12th grade graduation. Then I'll REALLY celebrate.

There's nothing I dislike more

than seeing your name pop up on that list, and knowing nothing will happen.

Tingle, the kind you feel from your toes to your nose.

It's impossible for some feelings to go away so quickly.
Or, for them to be back to normal.
But what if there was never a normal? What do you do then?

I should be out, at a bonfire, at a party, a friends house or something of the sort.
I'm not. Me and Sophie took the train to downtown fullerton and shopped and ate lunch.
That was the highlight of my day.
I'm not going to miss freshman year, just a few teachers, and a few people who are leaving.
This year was nothing spectacular. I grew up a lot and thats about it.
Yearbooks are the best.


I don't know what to do with this feeling in my gut, I gotta shake it off, gotta find something better.

SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!

Schooooooool's out fo-evuh!


We're freeee!
I'm a sophmore.
I feel liberated.

Dependent

I depend so much on other people its ridiculous.

I feel as if I need inspiration from a particular person, yet I have nobody in mind.

I need to look inside and figure myself out. I've been learning and growing day by day and I've become more comftorable in my own skin. It's a step, a large one from last year.

I rant and ramble, it's all nonsense.
The nonsense that makes sense to me and not to you.

I guess thats something he would have said.
Who's him anyways?
Wouldn't you like to know.
No.

Hey misssy

Caitlin this is for you. It didn't really hit me how much I'm going to miss you until today. We're really going separate ways and it's scary. But you're going to have fun in college. I love you and miss you already.
Just for old times sake;









Ps. Do you remember when we sat on the roof of your car and blasted All Time Low? I loved that.

Sunshine rays from below the sea

Hello summer.

Who knew

that What I Like About You and mint chocolate chip ice cream could be so therapeutic?

I opened up too quickly
but lets just say that I learned something from you

you just made it so easy
thats alright though,
i'll have better luck next time.

I'm not going to go into downer mood because its summer in two days and I have the best friends and family in the whole entire world.

Oh and also, thank you mom, you really are the best.

:)

Fuck you,

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbor

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick
Out of being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval you're after
Well, that's not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy
Living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're losing control a bit
And it's really distasteful

ICE cold.

I try not to smother people.
I really don't like to do that.
But even with the littlest things I feel like I am.

"Passin the kind buds
Kickin back in the sand in the sun
To be alive is lovin
Where the shore meets the seam
Man Im hummin, Im hummin
Im free as I stare at the sea
And Im not comin down
The world is yours once you have found
The good is to share
Which is elsewhere
The beauty
of green is where light is now broken by what it touches
Remembering what you once had told me hit home
And hasnt it always been so
...
Knew you would make me feel so good
Wanna do you right
Cant get enough
This is the stuff
Lifes about and it trips me out
Wanna do you right
Bright mornings, days when I want so much
I want nothing, just this life and no more
Ill come within this world
Theres only one for me
Shes waiting, Ill soon come"

Only in my dreams.

So there once was a boy and a girl.
They enjoyed each others company.
The girl wished she could run away with the boy
And with that they'd have their own bubble
At least for a little while
Eventually they'd get back to the real world.
But they'd have that connection
That nobody else could revoke
Even when life would hit them hard.

But that's merely a dream, a distant thought.

The opposite sex

is so confusing, yet so easy to figure out.

I hate it.
I love it.
I loath it.
I like it.

Now, what?

Pit, ee, full?

So I hate this wretched stomach ache I always get.
It happens every time.

It's so stupid, I wish I could deal with it.
I think it's my anxiety.
I wish I knew what it was.
I feel so pathetic about it too, because I think I have an idea of what causes it.
Sometimes I feel as if there's not enough time in the world.
Because really, there isn't.

I hate thinking about these things because it just increases the ache.
It's nerves of the worst kind.

Realizationofblogstoblogger.

Blogs make you sound smarter than you really are
More intellectual
More raw

Or

More stereotypical
and more pathetic.

You pick and choose.

Mull over it for a while.

Dust.

I feel like I get left in the midsts of everything.
I'm aware of my mood swings, I'm fully aware that I can become over emotional with the snap of a finger.
But can anybody blame me? It's those years.

I don't know why I feel so shitty. I don't have anything to be upset about by any means, yet I have the ginormous lump in my throat and my eyes are stinging.
It might be anxiety.
It might be me.
Or it could just be you.

Maybe I ask too much, I probably do but I don't know how to stop.

Jeeeezuhs.

People are difficult.
I want to crack them open.
And see inside.
Unfortunately, it's not as easy as it sounds.

All the small things

Sometimes small things can make you appreciate all that you have.
I came across this quote today, I believe it went along the lines of saying that it doesn't matter what you have or who you are, it's how your outlook is on life. I'd consider myself optimistic and I wish to spread that.
There's so many things to think about in such a complexity.

There's three more weeks until summer,
five more weeks until Atlanta,
and that much time to prove myself.

:)

In one minute

I feel like im floating on cloud nine,
and the next I want to cry and scream on the top of my lungs.

If this is what is average for my age group, I'm growing sick of it fast.

Knots, tied, tight.

This water I'm sinking in scares me.

Thoughts, here goes nothing.

Life in the past few weeks has been exciting, moving closer to summer.
Only problem is my old friends have been dropping like flies.
The way they are acting keeps pushing me away, farther and farther.
It's lack of communication on my side. Lack of maturity.
I've been so selfish and I keep using the excuse of being young and naive.
But that can only get me so far.
I've dug myself in this whole, time to crawl out.

I also need new, refreshing, down to earth people.
Some that aren't to petty, not too serious.
I have one in mind at the moment. :)

As gloomy as the beginning of this sounds, my life is finally heading in the right direction.
For my own selfish reasons, that is.

I'm quite fond

of you.

:)

Crushed

by a crush. :)
In a good sense, not bad.
We'll see how it all unfolds.

Degraded, degrading, de, grade.

I'm not sure what to think.
Whether to confront it or to push it behind me.
Either way it bothers me.

I've been working on this project, the theme is "Loneliness and a fear of loss drive people to desperate actions."
It's been interesting.
I don't feel well, i'm tired, and confused.

I need a new word for infatuated, I'm afraid I over use it.
But I am, that word describes me. Sums me up.

I'm bored with myself, with other people.

Your games so petty,

I'm sick of those little antics you call your life.
Grow up and grow some balls.
It's about time you started to.

A tip.

1. Love yourself
2. Love your body, if you want it to look good then love it, don't curse it all the time.
3. Be healthy
4. All of the above may help your path to happiness.

I wish people could understand how easy it is to ignore the little things and have a better perspective on life. A lot seem to be wrapped up in a bubble, hopefully they'll break through soon and see the world with different eyes. Like mine.

Oh and, she's my favorite SG.

This is an instance where I will use the phrase-headdesk-

Relatives of relatives by marriage(make me want to choke myself)

Birthday dinners are the worst, honestly.
I promise I will never put my kids through that(if I ever decide to grow a life form inside of my uterus, which is not very likely).

Mainly, I just wanted to rant about my horrible night but I've decided now I'd rather sleep on it and write a humorous story about it later.
So be prepared for a short story soon... possibly... maybe?

Bum, bum, bum!




I'd rather be there.

F.Y.I.

I never loved you. :)

Blind

Sometimes people can't understand their cry for attention pushes everybody away.
People buy into everything, you could tell them that I did it doggie style with jesus and what do you know, somebody I barley know would come up to me asking if I was pregnant with Jesus's baby.

No kids, I'm the fucking virgin Jasmine.
Get it? Haha.

Blogs, blogger, blogging.

"Blogs are a way to complain about your normal suburban life."

Maybe not verbatim, but close.
What I'm starting to realize.
Oh well.
I try to use it as a outlet for creativity.
Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

XXX.

Passion(fruit?)

OC CONSPIRACY MAGAZINE.
It's taking off, just wait. You'll hear the buzz in the next 6 months. Possibly a year. Just wait for it. It'll be huge.

Next weekend is our first interview/photo shoot with a band.
http://www.myspace.com/barabajagalband

I'm nervous/excited/scared/anticipating/ecstatic. It will be my first legit photo shoot. An amateur one at that, but none the less a photo shoot. I don't know what to expect.

I really just want people to take this seriously and not look down upon us as kids with inflated heads. I understand the reality of the situation. We're going to work our hearts out. At least I know I will.

Dismissal

6:30 AM
Wake Up
7:10 AM
Carpool
8:10-1:30 AM/PM
Monotone classes
1:30 PM
Early dismissal this week only. 420.
2:00 PM
Home
2:15 PM
Pool
3:30 PM
Home again, grab a snack, watch TV, work a bit
6:00 PM
Mom/Sister are home
6:30 PM
Aunt's house
9:00 PM
Home again
11:00 PM
Bed

Shining generalizations

Your so ignorant,
so infatuated with the idea of being in love.
I'm not you but I know you well.
I wish you could understand without offense.
My words mush together in my mind, I don't want you to know who this is directly aimed towards.
Honestly, I'm starting to give up on you.
You and the rest of teenage love.
It's stupid, so pointless.

I could sing a jingle.

I'm back. Back to blogging, of course.
Spring Break.
Wow.
Ideas, memories, the yearn for it all to be back in my hands once again.
The were a few firsts last week.
Good firsts though, fun ones.
Not bad for you.

In relation to present day I can't stand the feeling that I should have my best friends here with me. Along this road, this journey. I need them. They bring out the true me. The free-spirited me. Not the suburbanized teenager who is caught up in materialistic society.

So much has happened since my last entry. We're starting a revolution (Hah! We wish!). We being (me and nick).
We need as much help and submissions as we can afford. (By money and by... well... you.)

It's not spam. It's not stupid. Trust me, it's going to artistic crowd of orange county. And you, reading this right now, can help.

Hello from your dear day dreamer

I fantasize of day where I can travel and hop from place to place, city to city, country to country.
Meeting people, networking, seeing the world.
Experiencing culture and all types of land forms.

The day will come, it has to.
As I type this I believe somebody famous just strutted pass me.
At least they looked like they were somebody.

When it comes to relationships

I'm all in the chase.
I get bored so so easily.
I just hate hate hate the way things have turned out.
I've fucked up a lot.
And I wish everybody could forget that.

They're coming, I'm waiting.

I've been waiting for years for this.
12 hours from now I will be with my soul mates. (in the sense we click, and will always click, and will never leave.)
All of us in California. My home.

Spring Break Two Thousand And Nine.

Anticipation. Love. Excitement.

Slow Dance With A Stranger

Girl, you make me feel like I'm walking into danger.

Lost documents.

This is a letter I wrote to a dear friend of mine, who I never gave it to.
I'm cutting out some of the parts because it gets personal so it might sound stupid to an outsider.
Also, I wrote this back in... December?

I just read a letter I wrote you last summer, I predicted my summer. Things were different. Things DID change. I DID live my life on the edge for a bit. I picked up a vice, had to quit cold turkey a month ago and now I've picked up another vice. (Coffee) Coffee and cigarettes? Not really, just coffee. I need stimulants. I hate what I've become. I hate that I set myself up for everything. Reading that letter, it's so fucked up. I wanted to change myself, I felt boring and dull. I wasn't boring and dull last summer. Summer of two thousand and eight. We rarely saw each other. I lost control. I told people things that were not true. I acted out (for what reason? I have no idea). I write these, with the intention of giving them to you, but it always ends up being a letter to myself. Dates. I'm late. Not on period, I'm late figuring out who I am. I still don't know. I'm so lost. I want to be trendy, I don't. I still want to smoke a cigarette, but I don't. Addiction it's worse than they say (I think about it every day... still)
I probably most likely don't make any sense.

I'm listening to Close But Not Quite, a miniature Gym Class Heroes and sipping on coffee (yup!)

I'm writing, I'm actually writing.

I haven't written anything for months.

I love you. "I gave you my heart and you stole my pride"- CBNQ.

Don't ask, won't tell.

Critique NEEDED.

Because I have to turn it in, in 17 horas.
Aydar me por favor.

It was Johnny's last day at our high school. He wasn't popular or a jock, just Johnny. I had him in my P.E. class during 4th period. Everyday he would bring me a bottled water and sometimes a note from his mom to excuse us from participating. Mr. Galliger didn't care much, all he ever did was sit by the pool and read Sports Illustrated. This day in particular was different. When Johnny walked to my locker, he wasn't baring a water bottle, or a note of any kind, just a bag of marijuana, rolling papers and a lighter.
"Do you wanna come? It's really strong. My cousin brought it from California. Supposably that's where all the good dope is. That's why there are so many hippies."
A few people from our class were already situated under the bleachers smoking a pack of Marlboro Reds when Johnny and I arrived. When he pulled out the bag of hash the kids around us started searching their pockets for money.
"Don't worry, it's on me."
"Thanks man," said Bernie, the fat kid that was hard to hate.
Johnny took the first hit and passed it clockwise. I wasn't much of a pot person, I stuck with my Camel 99's. Johnny was the first to break the silence.
"You know, this is the exact place where I first got high."
I nodded, slightly uninterested.
"Today is the last day of my life. Nevada is going to be a new life. Nobody will call me Johnny, I won't have brown hair and brown eyes, I won't make bad grades and I won't get high. My mom is sending me to a boarding school. She want's change, I'll give her change. I won't be Johnny anymore and it's all on her hands. Honestly, she has no idea what's in store for her."
I had never heard him be so blunt, I guess that was the drugs talking.
"I wonder what kind of burnout's I'll run into at St. Mary's Reform School. I'll bet they're all worse than me. Here in Florida is where I belong. It's my calling."
Nobody talked, we just soaked in his words.
Eventually the joint came back to Johnny and he kept it. I stared at him inhaling and exhaling. Contently I smiled at him and he smiled back.
"You know Nina, I've always had a lot of respect for you."
"Me?" I said.
"Yes, you. Your not like most girls your age."
"Yeah... because I'm like one of the boys."
"Even so, I'm going to miss you."
I frowned and lit up another cigarette. One of the guys sitting in the circle, Kenji, peeped in the conversation.
"Yeah I agree with Johnny."
"Kenji, we've gone to school together since 1st grade. You've picked on me all through my life until this year. What makes me different now that Johnny has respect for me?"
He was silent. Johnny broke in.
"She's right, Kenji."
And that's all that was said.
Nobody was keeping track of the time, the smoke formed shapes and the words spoken floated through them. On cloud 9 everybody was celebrating the death of Johnny. His character and his soul were among us for the moment but we didn't know how long that could last.
"When I was seven, my dad left my mom. She swears thats why I am who I am. Because I've been deprived of a fatherly figure, whatever that's supposed to mean. I don't know why she thinks St. Mary's is going to help. Even the name is girly. It sounds like it should be an all girls school. Not a place where a bunch of fuck ups go for a last resort. I don't consider myself a fuck up. Not one bit."
Johnny was being honest. He wasn't a fuck up, he really was intelligent. He stood out to me now most of all. To open up to a crowd full of people who have been only acquaintances your whole life is only something Johnny would do.
The more smoked he inhaled the more stories came out.
"Did you guys know that one time I almost died? My cousin and I had been swimming in the ocean by his house during the summer. Right before we had gone in the water, we had dropped some acid. Not good acid. The scary acid you get off the street. When I dove in the mermaids starting seducing me and I believed I had gills. I swam and swam and swam. Deeper and deeper and deeper. Before the sharks could get ahold of me for stealing their mermaid girlfriends I woke up three days later in the hospital with an IV jabbed in my wrist. My mom has never looked at me the same since."
"Johnny, you would never get laid by a mermaid, what were you thinking?" Kenji said.
"I wasn't. All I wanted was her because I knew after that moment I would never see her again, it was almost unbearable. I didn't care about the shark boyfriends or even the fact I didn't have gills but the rest of the world did. I could have stayed there in harmony forever."
His perception of reality was that of a 10 year olds. A mature 10 year old. One who liked to know things about the world and what's beyond it.
The sound of the final bell rang faintly from a football field away. We all said our goodbyes. I walked Johnny to his car, checking to make sure he was okay enough to get himself back home. He embraced me tightly and told me to be true to myself. He then handed me a picture of us in 5th grade.
"God Jon. We were so different, yet so the same."
"I know. I could never forget this town Nina. These people, they're supposed to be my life. We've been stuck together in this town since birth, all of us. We're like a puzzle. We all fit in together to make one big picture. To have my mom ship me off to boarding school is so life threatening. Even the air I breathe will be different."
I took out another cigarette and lit it.
"Yeah because you won't have me around."
He chuckled and nostalgia was in his eyes.
"Goodbye Johnny. I hope your new self doesn't forget about your old self."
"Thank you Nina. Have a nice life."
I watched him drive away. He was the first piece of the puzzle to go missing and nobody could forget that. And when I fell asleep that night I dreamed of being a mermaid.

1st of April.

Fools, fools, fools.
Not once did I get tricked today.
Go me!

That's what happens when you knock on wood. (Dylan's drumsticks. And no, that's not sexual.)

Today was awkward to say the least. But I came out of it alive and on top.
Now I can trust myself and I know I have self control.

Well, that's all I have for now.

X's and O's.

PS.

romantics seem to be winning me over.

Allerginic

to life.
my nose, my head, my ears everything is clogged.
for a moment i feel as if it's blocked off my senses.
if a something could sooth me, it would be the tunes of TAI.

Relations

jealousy, two faces, and trust issues.
they consume my life at the moment
along with those tiny butterflies and faint smiles

Test

"Look like a lush. Talk like a tease.
The way you like it.
In front of your house, alone on the street,
you ask me to come inside.
Asleep through all our classes,
you hang me out to dry.

If this is a test
I’m losing my shit
Would it kill you to care
as much as I did?
If this is a test,
I’m wasting my breath
You’re a stranger I know well,
and not at all."

Mind tricks

Flaws.
We all have them.
And sometimes we play with other peoples flaws.
Mind games. The best of the best.
But here I pose a question, am I the player or am I the fool?
Or the very rare combination of both?

Four letter words

of compassion
of affection

love

its unconditional

Goals for this week

1. Grooming my hair. 8 months seems a bit long to me, how bout you?
2. Convince mom to drive me to Los Al High.
3. Get a box of girl scout cookies. We ran out of our (one box) quickly.
4. Raise my GPA. Academic GPA: 2.80. Weighted it's different. FMLATM. Which brings me to my next topic.
5. Instead of using the acronym FML (fuck my life) my mother came up with something brilliant. FMLATM (Fuck my life at this moment). So instead of everybody being obnoxious angsty kids running around saying fuck my life, I'd like to bring out FMLATM.
6. Self control.



The End.

Here you are again

Lost in art.

Try to find yourself amongst
Leaps and bounds of performers
Artists.
Set out to do what they love.
And I don't know what I want.

Your eyes.

Some would say trashy.
I say it's self expression.
But, that's just me.

Aura

part 2 is even better.
sequel
sequel
sequel


is there a sequel to life?
i researched auras today.
jessica said when she saw me i was a bright pink.
she said it wasnt my aura, just the color she associated with me.
i still looked up what it meant.

"Pink (=purple+red): love (in a spiritual sense). To obtain a clean pink, you need to mix the purple (the highest frequency we perceive) with red (the lowest frequency). Pink Aura indicates that the person achieved a perfect balance between spiritual awareness and the material existence. The most advanced people have not only a yellow halo around the head (a permanent strong point in the Aura) but also a large pink Aura extending further away. The pink color in the Aura is quite rare on Earth and appears only as a temporary thought, never as a strong point in the Aura."

February

was such a blogging month.
I had so many ideas.

Being inspired is a wonderful thing.

Lyrics have made up my life recently. Thank you.

In relation to my last post-
"The youth is starting to change
Are you starting to change?
Are you?
Together

In a couple of years
Tides have turned from booze to tears
And in spite of the weather
We could learn to make it together"

Extraordinary.

I have no ideas on what to write about.
I have indeed become infatuated again. Again and again.
He's not far from my mind.

I've been having this really big problem about lust lately.
HUGE problem actually.
I need to control my hormones.
Ew, I sound so ... teenager-like.
LAME.

I was having a conversation today about our generation. There's so many things to be said, so many opinions I have on it and then I realize : What am I doing to stop this? Absolutely nothing.

I have to step it up. Do something worth while.
I don't want to die being forgotten,
Or die and people remember me as "the funny one"
I want a title of meaning, of respect.
And for somebody of my age, respect is the farthest thing from peoples minds.

Ambiance.

Everything has been going so well.
My mood swings have been major, due to being a woman, but I've come out on the top today.

Oh and in my mind I believe William understands.
Which has brought me many smiles a day.

WB.

Thank you. Thank you for making my night. Thank you for understanding the love in my eyes. Thank you for listening, even if it was for two words, or one. Thank you for acknowledging me out of 250 people. Thank you, William.

If only we could have conversed one on one for a few minutes. I didn't care about pictures, signatures. None of that mattered. Just you in the raw. "Stripped down and vulnerable" as you said.
So many words made me relate to you so much more last night. I swear you inspire me, William.

Awhile.

"I'll be here a while, ain't going nowhere
I'll be here a while

Far is solace in the maddening pace
sad state written on my face
not a tight rope walk but dance
uncertain game of chance
but I'll see it through in time"

I wish they understood.

On occasion,

I get out of hand.
I say things too blatantly too quick.
Open my mouth before I have time to think to shut it.

I keep leaving loose ends everywhere I go.
Burning bridges and half ass building them back up.

When all my energy is focused on the good things in life I block out the bad.
They gather and gather and pile and pile until one day the stack of problems in my closet explodes into my room.
Now my room is a disaster & it's getting harder and harder to clean up.

UGHH, especially with that person who I've made previous blog posts about.
If um, you, read this all I want to say is what I said in that text message was brutal honesty and I hated how you replied.

Thats why I haven't talked to you since, I've been waiting for YOU to communicate with ME.
Rarely happens , correct?

I'm over sensitive, forgive me, I have a vagina.

What's left.

I just need to see William.

My days are long and stressful.
I'm barely holding myself together.
I know others have it worse.
I'll be fine...
It's just growing up comes with responsibility and reliability. Not the best combo.
Eh.
Sorry for lack of updates.

I haven't even had time to read!
Ah!

My posts are growing boring. I promise I'll have something worth my two cents soon.

RIP

I didn't know him but it seems everybody else did.
It's effected the student body and a few teachers.

So sad how he died so young.
What a shame.

RIP.

Calls from home.

People have such different lives than me it's odd to think about.
Everything I have is great, it could be so much worse but it's not.
And there are obviously people who have so much more than I do, yet they find every little thing to complain about.
I don't understand.
Life is great, right?
Enjoy it while you can because it wont always be this way.

She loves me not.

Sometimes you have to let them go.
I try , try to make her happy.
I hope she is.

I think about you everyday.
She knows.
But she won't ever care.

Faces in the hall.

I knew this kid named Alberto
Funny style cat
And his girl looked like a turtle
Not Lisa Turtle, just a turtle
High school track
He ran the hurdle
His peers shed tears senior year when he got murdered
Now Alberto was your average A student
Participated in class,
Never came late
And never truant
His family was picture perfect
His older sister was prom queen
His dad a decorated vet from the Vietnam team
His mother was Dear Abby,
An ordinary house wife
Like clockwork, always had dinner on the table at 5
But Alberto had a monster he kept under his bed
Instead of letting it out,
He just got a girlfriend instead
She knew something was funny
She could tell by his behavior
Or the way he flamboyantly shook his hand
When he would wave to her
She thought nothing of it
And just shoved it in the closet
Until the day that word dripped out like leaky faucet
Alberto was homosexual
I ain't have nothing against it
But little Ronnie Johnson and all his football player friends did
They'd always pick and nag
Call him "fag" and such and such
And couldn't wait to get to gym so they could really bust his nuts
The gym teacher never cared
He'd just join in on the action
He'd make silly gestures
And compared him to Micheal Jackson
Alberto couldn't take it
He'd just stop showing up and whenever he walked them halls
He just felt like throwin' up
And night he would cry and cry and ask "God why?"
Like "God, why the fucked I have to be born this way?"
God would reply, "Son, you've gotta show 'em you're more than gay"
Cause he had dreams to be a track star
Until that warm April night
Them gay jokes went way too far
Ronnie begged for his forgiveness
And invited him to a party
Cause his parents went away
And left him plenty of Bacardi
Alberto kindly accepted
He was finally accepted
Except it was all deception
And left them all unprotected
It was a plan Ronnie had scammed
To get him in the right place
Verbally degrade and rearrange his pretty face
The plan would go swiftly
They started calling him sissy
One punch turned into fifty
They beat him till he was dizzy
Now Alberto lie in blood
While his peers look on in fear
He took his last breath
And passed away his senior year

Needless to say
It was one big tragedy
And how was Ronnie gonna explain to his family,
While they were on vacation taking in sights
He got wasted and killed a kid that night

Don't be a slave and behave the way they do,
Just utilize the gifts that God gave you [x4]

I knew this girl named Maria
Bright and talented
With aspirations to be a
Big superstar
What a great idea
Until she fell off and started to listening to her peers
Oh dear!
Now Maria was your typical obnoxious
Analytical head strong rebel
Flippin' off the principal
Single mother home structure
She looked after baby brother
While mom worked two jobs
Just to buy supper
Pops was a struggling musician
Troubled man,
Juggling family and heroin addiction
He overdosed and left a notice of eviction
And a crate of records on the table in the kitchen
And a little angel with a keen sense of sound
Who saw silence in the records she found
And she would stay up late at night
Reciting songs to herself
Under pale moonlight
Righting wrongs that her pops made,
Promised her mom she'd never go that same route
Turns out
Carrie Anne had other plans
Her and her man Ronnie most popular,
Second best to nobody
Homecoming queen versus ugly duckling
And the story ends the same way
OK, Ronnie's parents went away for a couple of days
And told him "No Drinking"
What the fuck were they thinking?
Maria was oblivious that her boyfriend had already been invited
So when Carrie Anne asked
She got all excited
Like "damn now I got something to look forward to"
Or so she thought
Maria kindly accepted,
She was finally accepted,
Except it was all bullshit
Now pay attention,
Carrie Anne hated Maria cause she could sing
So she scored a bag of heroin
But the craziest thing was
Maria never touched drugs, she did that night
And when her man was getting beat
She was nowhere in sight
Now her boyfriend lie in blood
And she had no idea
Alberto passed away and she got hooked her senior year
Needless to say
It was one one big tragedy
And I hate to break it but
It doesn't end happily
A warm day in May,
The sky was so beautiful
Carrie Anne died in a crash leaving the funeral

fiends and friends

so close in spelling
one could be mistaken
for the other.

anxiety
panic

attacks?

Snow and ice.

big bear,
cozy.

im so negative this weekend
materialistic and ashamed of myself.